A day or two after my last post, one of the pages I follow on Facebook posted the above picture (my apologies that I don’t remember which page it was). Seems very appropriate, except in my case I am trusting the process to find the vision. I know the vision will continue to involve yoga, both as a personal practice as something I share through teaching. But what will that look like for me? I’m not sure.
Teaching around temporary disabilities — fatigue brought on by heat, an exacerbation involving vision issues that would eventually resolve, a few weeks of shaky legs, etc. — was doable for years. I came to yoga already living with MS. I came to teaching with MS and fibromyalgia. I would adapt. Students knew that on any given week I might have to cancel; that an exacerbation effecting driving abilities would result in several weeks without classes. But, those temporary things were the exception, not the rule. In many ways I was able to continue teaching like a teacher without a disability. Not so anymore.
So, I have taken a hiatus from teaching all but one class — the class I teach for women who’ve experienced domestic and sexual violence. I became a teacher to share the practice with these women and it has felt right to continue there. Part of the break is to recharge. Part is to let the vision form. I don’t expect it to magically appear without effort on my part. Nope, its gonna take trusting the process, which for me, is yoga. All Eight Limbs of It. Doing more meditation. Reclaiming my mat/chair/asana practice one practice at a time (guided by my inner wisdom and quotes like the ones below).
More breath work and some serious Svadhyaya (study of oneself). Along with that I feel drawn to learn more about subtle energy and how I can use it in my personal practice. I know that one of yoga’s functions is to move around the prana (energy), opening blockages, aligning chakras, etc. But, my knowledge of that aspect is pretty shallow. I’ve always approached it as, do the asana and pranayama and it will happen. Now its time to learn how the sausage is made.
There is no timetable for this journey. I’m excited to see where it goes.